Shared Parish Ministry as a migrant husband and wife team.

 “Sea of joys and turmoil in shared Parish ministry as a migrant husband and wife team”

Rev Don Ikitoelagi (Director of Cross Cultural Mission and Ministry-Synod of Victoria and Tasmania)

 [this was a paper that I prepared and presented at the "TALANOA" conference (Sydney) while I was working as the Director of Cross Cultural Mission and Ministry with thw Uniting Church in Australia]

 

“The sea of joys and turmoil in shared ministry.”

 

Introduction and setting the context to this paper.

 

Brief comments of subjects namely Rev Ere Talagi-Ikitoelagi & Rev Don Ikitoelagi.

 

• Sense of Call – Personal and Communal

 

• Family commitments: 8 Children with the eldest being 34 and the baby 6 years old
• Strong traditional background. (Niuean/Samoan ;  Niuean)
• Personalities: Very strong personalities with often opposing views on matters.

 

• Feminist movement within the Church at the time (extremely militant)

 

Strength: wide diverse subject in the varied disciplines of study; often we don’t do the same subjects.  Provide a good base for shared resources in ministry.

 

Weakness: Shared ministry invariably gets influenced by personality and domestic relationships. When the home front is experiencing a storm, the ministry gets affected.

 

What happens when two individuals with all the above personal traits begin the task of mapping how to minister cross culturally with three Anglo Congregations;  given the sea of change, turmoil, challenges that surrounded them.

 

I began my journey into training for ordained ministry when candidates were still fighting for a place in ministry.. In the year I was assessed, there were 26 candidates for six places as determined by the Presbyterian Church of Aotearoa NZ.

The process was gruelling and foreign for me and a few other non-Anglo candidates. Questions were asked of MY sense of CALL when I carried within me a sense of a communal approach to a CALL (I was nurtured to this by my father, mother and the whole community) “ Response from the Assessor: “…. So you are here because your family pushed you to this ministry… and so you do not have a clear sense of call from God for this ministry?” big issues that needs some unpacking.

 

Upon arrival at the Knox Theological College, I found myself struggling with issues of God; particularly in the engaging with the concepts of “WHO GOD IS” I felt that I was really in the wrong place. Such approaches to God were blaspheming at the very least. The disciplines of exegesis was cutting through to the core values of who I was and my belief. Systematic was sounding more like a joke with all its jargon and foreign concepts.

 

There were no certainties in theology and this really troubled me.…. As long as you offer supported answers from ideas and remedies offered by the many theologians pre-selected as reading material, one will pass the assignment. Having an accounting background where answers were definitely clear and remedies often prescribed gave me such a feeling of inadequacy at this early stage.

 

There were women candidates that were acting in such a militant fashion within the college. Any miss statement of God as him or father was highlighted with a mass walkout from worship or placards flashed around the square.  Mother god? Even brother Jesus doesn’t sit right with me at the time.

 

Without any pre-warning, I was thrown into a sea of uncertainty and confusion. Nothing was at all certain.

 

Ere on the other hand, as I thought was revelling in all of this. She had betrayed my trust (as I thought at the time) when instead of studying accountancy as agreed was taking 4 papers in Theology. Instead of offering to feed me and our 6 children she was disappearing at the same time to her own classes.

Don wake up son and smell the coffee!

What happens if I failed because I wasn’t cared for at home? Really, what a baby!

Who would wash, clean and fend for the 6 children. Get a life Don!

How dare she undermine what was my call, our community send me to train… not her. The community, the society, the culture had really made an impression on you son!

 

As I was busying myself in my self-pity, Ere was engaging with her own struggles.

She struggled for acceptance by her own family, husband community and Niuean ministers. She was also fending off all the feminist candidates at the time by laying claims of her rights to bring about the debate among her own people without being pushed to a big us and them Church debate at the time. Woman of great inner strength.

 

Getting to become a candidate was also a heart wrenching moment in her life, when her own community were not able to offer support and that she needed to be sent by the Anglo (palagi) Parish that we were worshipping with at the time.

By this time, I believed that I had in many ways turned my life around, undid many of the cultural conditions, gender issues, and supported Ere in the journey of testing her sense of call into ordained ministry. Hurray Don, there is a God after all!!

 

While studying, there was the issue about her resuming of her maiden name as Talagi. Little changes that were life changing for me at the time.

What was an attempt in Ere’s part, to carve a life in study for herself, that she didn’t have to operate under my shadow had been for me a challenge to my whole being and my family traditions. (Although I knew taking ones husband’s was really a convention rather than the law it being a legal requirement that one need to comply, it didn’t make any difference to me… she was just being pigheaded about all these feminist outbursts.)

For a time I contemplated adding her maiden name to mine so that she can be seen as my wife, sharing at least one name even if it was hyphenated.. Don really, you are real piece of work, just when one feels that you have changed you come up trumps again!!!!

 

It was hell at the time to also be struggling with what I considered core pointers to our identity.

Ere after completing her study (without any prompting) changed her name once more to be a hyphenated name Talagi-Ikitoelagi. By then I had learned to respect things that were important to her. I would not have asked her to, yet families, the community were not going to rest until Don become a real man and get his silly wife to resume his family name… how dare she…)

 

When we were both called to our first Parish (Wanganui West United) I though that we were seasoned, that we had sorted out all there was to shared ministry. (I was in particular feeling quite chuffed that I felt I have changed enough to manage shared ministry) Was I wrong! People started to address me as the minister and Ere as the assistant.  

There were moment in our ministry that I felt a strong need to protect her and fight off all those who dared to question her. What a champion Don, wow!!!

mmmm…. I learned the hard way that she needed to challenge these issues and fight her own battles.  On the other hand, I learned that this does not mean for me to abandon my support of her. Offering support after she had made her call is where I found safety. (But leading up to this moment of truth, I felt that I was dammed if I did and dammed if I didn’t)

 

Our strengths were clearly identifies as we worked together, that we were complimenting each others skills. Our openness to choose what area of Parish life that we could pick up the task was usually strength.

I said usually, because there were some specific areas that our personalities and domestic arrangements caused strain on our relationship.

 

Weddings, Baptisms and Funerals were areas that we agreed, for whoever takes the call will follow through and conduct the said activity. Instead I found myself doing ALL of the funerals and Ere attended to all Baptisms and Weddings. As it was Ere’s decision that the two she was attending to were areas that only she could do justice to them because of her skills as a woman and her understanding as a mother.

 

In frustration one day I spurted out, for goodness sakes Ere, I also want to do the celebrating evens and you need to get your hands dirty with the deaths and the dying. Was that an introduction to a domestic flare-up?

 

Personalities, being extravert while the other is introvert can be the cause of both domestic and ministry debates. “I should know Don” is always a starter for Ere when she believes she is going to be involved in something that calls for a feminine touch as she puts it.

“I should know that weddings and baptisms are my department, because I am a mother and also I am a woman.”  

HOW CAN YOU ARGUE WITH THAT?

A response that often leaves my lips was “and what has that got to do with the price of fish?”

 

 

Let me recap what I have listed:

 

Ministry is about one’s sense of call:

In many instances, when you come out of communal background, one also includes into this sense of call an element of the call being encouraged by family and friends.

 

Men are generally accepted as those in which God selects to enter ministry and wives as supporters to the shared (ordained/lay) ministry.

 

Such calling is celebrated by family and community. You are often given a send off with all the glory and the gifts fitting for celebrity and ministers.

 

When one is called, one takes with  one the family and extended family. One tends also to lose ones identity and assumes an identity and the attributes of a Holy man of God that will serve God endlessly and faithfully. (faceless)

 

There is both celebration and a sense of loss at this instance;  for the acceptance of the call is regarded as a gift to God from the family, but a call is also a moment in life that one leaves behind all that one has build up in wealth and status both in the community and in the home and family.

 

When a woman feels the sense of call, I believe she starts off with sorrow and great pain for her credibility is often taken from her husbands or fathers’ standing in the community. Only when she feel that some recognition of her worth from those she loves and trust, that she begins to enjoy the sense of call that she feels strongly to be a gift form God.

 

Ere has become a much respected minister within the Niuean circles, and the whole of the PCANZ. Her skill and her abilities have led her to many crucial roles within the life of the PCANZ. These roles spans from National, Presbytery and Parish.

 

Her final hurdle I suppose was getting the confidence to apply for a position in the inner-city Parish of Auckland with a component of Niueans within the Palagi Church.

It is fare to say that many of the Pacific Island women ministers both in NZ and in the Island homes are still experiencing difficulty in accessing congregations as Ministers. They land themselves appointments to Chaplaincy work, not that this was not an achievement in itself. Traditionalists in churches still consider ordained parish ministry is the domain only for men. (The process was interesting, as the Niueans in this congregation were dragging their feet while the few Palagi members made the decision to call Ere even if it is against the will of the Niuean elders. What a wonderful God we have!

 

Shared ministry in a multicultural church.

While Ere was ministering to the Niuean and Palagi congregation, I continued to support her by performing some of the minister’s wife’s role.

I was often manhandled out of the kitchen by women who think that it is not becoming of a minister (man) to do cooking or even cleaning.

 

I must confess that I had a lot to relearn, in terms of the role that men and women play in the family and in the community. Both Ere and I are still learning.

 

Un-conditioning ones mind is a necessary process. Society and what is considered normal do change, however it is often necessary to encourage such changes to occur.

 

The Palagi was obviously leading the debate of women being equal in every aspect of life to men. The ethnic in this case Niueans, what was an understanding of role play was mistakenly understood as men being superior and women being subordinated to a supportive role only.

 

The Church of Aotearoa NZ was clearly supportive of the equality debate for it legislated against prejudice against women in all of its positions in the church..

 

 

Having made special mentioned of the frustration of shared ministry, let me for a moment touch on the Joys of shared ministries.

 

Reaching past the immediate issues of change, I can recall the joy of embracing the richness of the joy of knowledge. To engage in a river of change, when TABU issues were opening up to critique.

The joys of identifying each others strengths and building on the attributed of partnership.

Having a different perspective to an issue was something that we found coloured by our own intellect and gender makings. The joy however was still there embraced by our love for each other.

 

We had a large family of 7 at the time, which added both joy and anxiety,  because of the needed discipline to run a tight ship given our busy lives.

 

Our personal and ministry relationships would have failed if we did not take seriously the need to communicate effectively with each other and with the children. We learned the art of having conversations in the manner and the excitement of two people who had only just started out in love. (maybe that was also contributory to our family being large as it is.)

 

Often the difficult issues in our shared ministry get a hearing in our personal relationships. As hard as it was to engage with respect for each other as people of the cloth, the domestic flavour sometime win hands down. We often need to both calm ourselves with reason and logic, even a bit of pacific humour to begin weaving back the issues to where we started with.

 

The winner was definitely the Parish, for there was no sick leave in our watch. I couldn’t recall us both being sick at the same time, and we always filled in for each other in our half time ministry count. There was clearly a benefit to the Parish of having two ministers for the price of one.

 

Being Pacific Islanders in a Palagi Parish also had its moments. We both got away with many necessary changes to the Parish Council because we sense the members saying  “they don’t understand our ways”

 

In conclusion this paper is my journey; reporting what I perceived to have been the path to our ministry as two Pacific Island Ministers in a Palagi Parish. Joys and concerns swim in the same river of Change. We both benefited from it. We both made personal sacrifices from the experiences. We both enjoyed the growth around us when the Spirit of God kicks in and work the power-plant of the GOSPEL.

 

(NOTE)

 

Reading material to be read prior to the elective.

 

The following (power-point) presentation will be used to draw open discussions.

 

Rev Don Ikitoelagi

(Director of Cross Cultural Mission and Ministry)

Synod of Victoria and Tasmania

UCA

REFLECTION ON ISSUES DISCUSSED AT THE (second)MEETING OF YOUNG PACIFIC ISLAND YOUTH LEADERS AND SUPPORTING MINISTERS.

14th September 2012.

Venue - Parnell Presbyterian Church and office of the Pasifika Misionare.

 

Fakalofa atu, Taloha ni, Fefe hake, Talofa, Kia Orana, O Blimey

A quick response regarding yesterday's meeting.(14th Sept 2012)

Thank you for those who attended and those with apologies about yesterdays meeting.

What a blessing to be lead in devotion by Tani and to reflect about the creating nature of God. It highlighted the abilities of our God to continue with the maintenance of his handy work, the life that comes from God and the need for Pacific people to take heed to what this week's psalm share.

There was much reflection on the importance of the group in its focus, but most importantly its neutrality among the different configuration of the PCANZ  church family in regards to PAcific youth and young people.
This group that has gathered to provide the voices of young Pacific members from the different parts of youth ministries in the PCANZ. The gathered group needed to continue its work with a clear mandate of drawing from all of the youth leaders and young adults of the Pacific membership of the whole church.
The MISSION of God is the focus of this group. So when we gather, it is with the aim of representing ALL those with Presbytery affiliation as well as the ethnic specific & ESG members.

Meauli's message at the regional forum hosted by the Northern Presbyterylast Friday was well received. He spoke of the Grace of God that had manifested through the lives of the pioneering Pacific Island migrants (our parents and grand parents). They brought their faith and established themselves in churches that we have inherited.

Meauli stressed the importance of Christ like leaders, who are called to inspire young people into fostering personal relationship with Christ Jesus. In order to achive this, we, as young leaders of the church must be inspired ourselves.

 

  The Rev Kaio and I were there as members of the Northern Presbytery Council, in support of the forum that was aimed at naming for Presbytery what the direction of youth ministry need to be.

 

The turnout of youth leaders was quite impressive, as they represented congregations within the Presbytery. A further joy was to see about 80% of young people there were from Pacific congregations that are not affiliated to the Pacific Synod.

 

The absence of Pacific Synod and Asian youth and young leaders must be seen as an intentional strategy towards ministries that employ approaches that are a mixture of Christ and culture traditions and cultural expressions.

The PI Synod do have youth ministries within each Parish, and each Fonos (National Meetings of Constituents), as are Asians in the council of Asian ministries.

The Pacific Island Synod youth and young people mission and ministries, do operate quite independently within their own Fonos, running regular programs and mission training workshops. The Fono Samoa tupulaga/autalavou also gather in regions (matagaluega) and do organise these regional services three or four times a year. The Cook Island Uapou Fellowship Youth movement (Mapu) extended themselves in 2011 when they hosted and managed the National Uapou Fellowship which was their national gathering with professionalism and spiritually filled.

What has been a downside of such a set up is a tendencies of each group only doing mission and ministry within their own fono. This will be something that this group can bring to its work; which is to influence Presbytery, PI Synod and Asian Ministries to intentional integrated ministries with other youth groups within the Church.

 

This will mandate such a interconnectedness to be one of the aims of each youth leader, Minister and Presbytery bodies, so that not only do PI Synod youth interact with others from various fonos, but also be open to work with groups outside its Synod families. Likewise, youth in the regional Presbytery network are also called to interact with the PI Synod, Asian and national (PYM) young people.

The meeting saw the need for plans to be more forward looking with an imagination of what the face of Pacific Youth Ministry in the next five to ten years.

This does require the youth and young people who are involved in ministries currently to be listened to. The face of ministry in the future may not resemble what we do consider as ministry today, however it is important for the Church in its discernment and continued stewardship to listen and be guided by the vision of God manifested in and through our young people today.

 
The strength of this Pacific Island Leadership group is with the influence they collectively bring to churches they are involved with, and in the role of the Pasifika Misionare office to influence decision makers within both national and regional level of youth mission and ministry, that may allow the resourcing and the development of such (new) expressions.

 

The Pasifika Misionare in his role plan to provide leadership training forums for youth leaders, in areas of:

 

·       personal development,

·                  how to develop the young people that you have to be spiritual leaders

·                  call to ministry- how to listen to God, what is it that God plan for your          life.

·                  evangelism - learn to read the people you plan to reach in bringing to

·                   Jesus.

·                  How can you best and effectively communicate by sharing the            love of Jesus into their lives.

·       inter-generational workshop between migrant parents and NZ born children,

·       Culture and Gospel,  How does Culture relate to Gospel. What are the aspects     of culture that require close attention in terms of youth ministry.

·       orientation into understanding about the Presbyterian Church, its mission, ministries, structures and governance. To become participating members in a   local congregation, youth leaders need to know, what processes are in          place that need to be adhered to and the reasons why they are there.

 

 

Dates and venues of these training session will be made available before the end of the month.

 

There are also questions regarding the youth and young people that are not currently in churches that we need to address. (refer to statistics of Pacific members in Aotearoa NZ provided by Statistics NZ the Pasifika Misionare provided earlier)

·       How can we evangelise to the masses. As a mission church, can we begin the process of thinking of the Church in terms of the universality of God. What can we do to reshape our thinking into an inclusive and unconditional family of God. {He imparts numerous advantages, blessings, and tokens of His kindness on both the righteous and the unrighteous (Matt. 5:45). All of those things are the result of common grace, God’s goodness to mankind in general}

·       If youth and young people do not share the joy of expressing their faith in Jesus as we do by mission and ministries within the designated boundaries of Church- Sunday Worship, can they still be sons and daughters of God. Could they be his sheep that are not of this sheep pen as stated in John 10:16? yet they are considered as belonging to other sheep pens that Jesus claimed to be his.

·       Many of Pacific youth and young people still belong to extended families and still gather with special church services and activities(funeral services, weddings, baptisms, special birthdays).

·        Many of them continue to contribute to the life of the church through donations passed on by their parents and relatives, yet they rarely attend Sunday Services.

·       We see so many in the sporting and musical events acknowledge God in prayer, and openly offering God their praise for their achievements.

 

These topics of discussion will be important in sessions of evangelism and ensuring the presence of Jesus Christ is felt and enjoyed in all corners of communities. These are however not questions that requires discussion only in terms of youth and young adult mission, they are BIG QUESTIONS  for each minister to consider. Presbyteries, congregations, parish councils, men and women groups, elders sessions, deacons courts and managers courts. WE ALL NEED TO TAKE TIME AND CONSIDER THIS OUTREACH actions and where we stand in terms of redefining policies, processes, and church as we know it, so that Jesus' love is embracing all of his children.

 

DATES and VENUES of the latter questions will be considered with advise from the various groups that are involved in decision making as well as those with influence in feeding lifeline of mission to policy makers.

 

(My reflection on mission and ministries within Pacific Youth as I gather information during my work among Pacific Island Youth and Young Adults. Feel free to add to these, members of the young Pacific Island youth gathered as we gather information about the needs, the approaches taken, and reflections on God's hand your own lives and ministries you are leading.)

 

Rev Don Ikitoelagi

(Pasifika Misionare)

 

 

Grace of God imge.

PASIFIKA MISIONARE

Second meeting of Pacific Island Youth and Young Adults in the PCANZ.
URGENT NOTICE!!!!!

Change of meeting DATE:

      28TH SEPTEMBER 2012        venue: Knox Parnell.   4b Birdwood Crescent Parnell.
TIME 9.30am  to 2.30pm

PASIFIKA YOUNG LEADERS GATHERING

PASIFIKA YOUNG LEADERS GATHERING

 

How can we live out the Gospel story of Jesus Christ in AOTEAROA NZ, as Pacific Young People.

 

Leaders group will engage in prayerful consideration and meditation about the purpose of all these gathering that we have in the Church. How can these be managed so that they work in with ech other, rather than polarising young people.

 

• Regional gathering (inclusive of all youth groups from an ecumenical family of churches around the Region.)
• Ethnic gatherings: Mapu (Cook Island): Kautalavou(Tuvalu/Tokelau);Tupulaga/Autalavou(Samoa);Niue National Youth (Fono Motu); English Speaking Group.

 

WORSHIP: if this is the call that we are invited to take up, WORSHIP OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR, then we do need to be gathered in his name. That we are call to come with our diversity, and seek ways found only at the base of the Cross, of being United in Him.

 

Its wonderful to immerse ourselves in the church traditions and cultures that have made us who we are, as long as we do this as well as reaching out to others in the community to share in this glorious pentecost experience. Jesus commission us to go forth and make disciples of all nations baptising them in the name of the FATHER SON AND HOLY SPIRIT.

 

We are called to PREACH, we are also called to TEACH, and we are call to share attributes that Christ has, in loving, kindness, generous, concerned of our wellbeing, search of the lost, and  in ways that we live our own lives.

 

It was obvious from our first meeting that there are some in our lineup of young leaders that have the passion to preach the word of God, others are great strategists who will help us plan well, others are super great musicians who could lead the upskilling of some of our musicians in Parish youth groups. Others obviously have the wisdom and abilities to read church structures and governance and advise young people of best practice at local, regional and national level.

 

There will no doubt be others who are great organizers and managers of events that will work towards community gatherings and community worship.

 

This second meeting is to begin planning on ways that we can manage this journey.

 

I have made suggestion on what could appear in the agenda in the blogg of the first meeting of leaders. But please come prepared to share what is God saying to you and if possible offer yourselves to head specific tasks that may be agreed as ways forward.

 

 

The next meeting will be on the 14th  (Friday) September 2012 or 22nd (Saturday) September 2012.

 

Please indicate the date that you would prefer out of the two, and we will see which date to run with.

 

VENUE WILL BE at Knox Parnell

Lunch will be provided.

 

Opening devotion will be conducted by Nate, Tani and Gary.

 

PLEASE BRING DETAILS OF YOUR PARISH ACTIVITIES IN REGARDS TO YOUTH SERVICE< WORSKSHOP< OUTING<etc so we can have a event caledar  for youth mission and ministries in Auckland.

 

We will take time to map out matters of mission, ministries, training, theology, sense of call, identity issues, intergenerational issues........

 

If there are issues that you would like to appear in the AGENDA this time, please indicate early and so we either include it for this meeting or note it for the next.

 

Closing devotion will be conducted by Mose, Helena and Meauli.

 

May I ask someone to be a note taker for the meeting.

 

Rev Don Ikitoelagi